BJR Newsletter
No BJR Left Behind
23 Nov 2004

It was the blurst of times

The November elections have come and gone, and it's exciting to announce that BJR's candidate has been re-elected. Yes, that's right, Libertarian Superior Court Judge John Buttrick (I'm not making up that name) once again was retained for his judicial seat in Maricopa County, Ariz. BJR's presidential candidate, Michael Badnarik (Lib., also a real name) did not quite fair as well, though he did receive 390,125 votes, giving him approximately 0% of the nation's vote.

Once, twice, four times an Uncle

BJR's sister DBS (Donna) arrived back from her trip to China with his new niece, RRLS (Rebekah Ru Li Simmons). MCR (Mom) and BJR were there along with nephews JDS and BDS2 to great DBS, BDS1, BMS, and RRLS upon their arrival in Virginia. Bekah is 21 months old, gorgeous, and has more energy than should be legal. BJR is stunned by this incredible act of kindness and love that his sister's family has shown in giving a new life to someone. In similar fashion, BJR has submitted a request to adopt half a dozen 18-25 year old Chinese girls as soon as possible.

The Organ Grinder

Ack! Another serious piece to the newsletter. Even worse, it calls for first person. By now many of you now that I was diagnosed with MPGN-1 a year ago, a kidney disease that destroyed 90% of my kidney function, but still left me all man. After some attempted treatment plans, and living since May on peritoneal dialysis, I will undergo a kidney transplant on December 14th, at Methodist Hospital in Houston, Texas. My living donor is my cousin Diane, my father's niece. There's really nothing you can say that can express what an amazing thing Diane is doing. There were several people who applied to donate, and I owe each one of them a debt of gratitude unlike any other. To my cousin, I owe every minute of this second chance at life. If you're really curious about the disease: www.bryanjrollins.com/TheDisease.html

All I wanna do is have some fun

Every cloud has a silver lining. Every auto-immune disorder treated with immunosuppresants like cytoxin (chemotherapy) has a chance at sterilizing you. So, in February of this year, in order to capture and preserve the potential children that BJR has never intended on having, BJR began the most humiliating and hilarious experience of 2004. Imagine the worst wood paneling in an abandoned dentist's office, with a large yellow kitchen-aid refrigerator attached to small room with a cupboard filled with (ahem) reading material. Since donation, the genetic bank has reported thousands of attempted break ins from people trying to steal BJR DNA to create a army who would criticize all of humanity, one person at a time.

Rampant gay marrying snuffed out

Forced into heterosexual marriage by the Bush administration, two of BJR's closest friends chose female partners and entered into the blissful hell we refer to as marriage. While BJR's illness grounded him days before being able to attend Pete Richard's wedding in Istanbul, somehow BJR managed to attend Pete's bachelor party in Vegas a month before. Hmmm. Andrew Willis (yes the legend and the player) received not one but two bachelor parties in Austin, though Andrew did not attend the second one (the groomsmen were reported to have had a phenomenal time despite his absence). The Willis wedding in Richmond, Virginia was a weekend without comparison, though BJR was unaware that so many laws could be broken in a children's museum in one night.

January must have been colder than I remembered

Either something was in the air early last year or we need to recall some pharmacy products in a hurry, because a bumper crop of babies appeared and were delivered unto us in September and October. Around the country, a whole set of boys and girls were born who will soon learn that Uncle BJR will be the source for all the things their parents don't want them to have. Congrats to Derek, Gennie, Joe, Jennifer, Jennifer, Andy, Rick, Sarah, Mahooya, Barry, Shanel, Dean, Paul, Jill, and everyone else who may have produced. To all the newborns, BJR has stories about your parents.

World Series

There is nothing more beautiful than when the Yankees lose in the World Series. But this year we had a close second: The Boston Red Sox put on a never-before-in-baseball, come from behind, three games down triumph over the Evil Empire in the ALCS. It brought tears to BJR's eyes to see that with enough courage, emotion, and belief, the second highest payroll in baseball can beat the largest payroll in baseball. BJR needs a tissue. Then the Red Sox swept the Cardinals in the World Series, a sign to some that "the curse" is gone and a sign to others that "the choke" is still ever present. This isn't news to anyone reading this, but BJR does like to hear himself type.

Thanksgiving

No sporting event is really complete in the 21st century without fan violence or gambling. So for the loss of the Yankees in the ALCS, Bill Heller, father of Dan, will be singing the praises of the Red Sox while Dan, son of Bill, does the Turkey dance. To honor Thanksgiving tradition, BJR breaking bread with the Pilgrims (Heller family - ok, from Jersey but they are a peaceful folk) and the Indians (the Sarkar family).

Finding common ground that you want to bury them in

I have been a Pixies fan for a long time, since early college. Throughout life I have met a handful of friends who are also Pixies fans, and had come to the belief that if you are a Pixies fan, I will like you. At the Austin City Limits festival, and then at another local show in Austin, BJR discovered that he hates Pixies fans. If you are a Pixies fan and not already a friend of BJR, he'd prefer you stop listening to his favorite band and go elsewhere. Shoo! Yah! Get out!

Don't call it a comeback, call it retro

What would you call ten women dressed as Catholic schoolgirls or Rodeo Cowgirls? What if they were skating on a sloped oval, trying to knock the living daylights out of each other? Now add 1,000 fans and heavy metal. Still not sure? Well, it's Texas Roller Derby, and BJR attended two of the contests, pitting the Holy Rollers up against the Rhinestone Cowgirls. In the end, the Holy Rollers edged the Cowgirls for the coveted Cavallo cup, despite a wicked injury to Sister Mary Jane.

Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Holidays. I probably won't write again until the New Year!